January Highs & Lows

WHAT A MONTH.

I'm so glad January has come and gone, didn't it feel like it was longer than all of 2017 combined?! So many hard and wonderful things happened and I can't wait to see what the rest of the year holds for me.

Highs:

• Goalzy trip to St. George! We have a tradition of going to St. George over New Year's to just relax and rejuvenate after the crazy Christmas holiday. I always like to use the time to set goals and think about what I want to accomplish in the upcoming year. We also spent a lot of time swimming and hot tubbing and eating yummy food!

 
• Hanging out with Peter! (I've been debating sharing his real name online but for the moment I'm just going to go with it.) He is becoming such a darling, happy baby! I absolutely LOVE seeing his personality grow. I think I'm his favorite person right now and it just melts my heart to see how much he loves me. I've learned so much in the past month about what motherhood and family really mean to me personally, and I've felt so inspired to try and be a person of influence for my family.

 

 
• Finishing a MAJOR personal project: The Blackbird Pages. I won't go into a ton of detail here, but I decided last summer that I wanted to improve my web design skills, so I built a website completely from scratch. It took months and months of hard work but I finally hit "publish" a few weeks ago and I'm so proud of myself! If you want to check it out, you can see it at theblackbirdpages.com.

 

 
• The West Wing. If you don't think this was a major highlight of my month, you are dead wrong! This show is the best! If you've seen it, I'll tell you that Josh is my favorite character, with CJ Cregg and President Barlet at a close second. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and watch it tonight!

• Getting fresh manicures every few weeks. Nothing makes me happier than a good coat of pink polish on my fingernails. I know I'm vain, sometimes I just don't care!
 
 

 
• Teaching temple prep in the YSA ward. One of my New Year's Resolutions was to find greater joy in my calling and I have really tried to do that, not just by being more outgoing in the singles ward where Cob and I are serving, but also to put more time and effort into planning my temple prep lessons. It's been so fun for me to plan them out and try to do a good job!

• Exercising! Since I hit the 6 week mark, I've been trying to exercise 1x a week and it's been SO GOOD for my body and my brain. I'm trying to find exercise that I really love, but just making the habit of doing SOMETHING has made me really happy.

Lows:

• Feeling the opposite of home-sick. I don't know a better way to explain this, but being home all day with Peter is making me crazy! Of course I love him, and of course I want to take care of him, but the transition from working all day to staying home all day is killer. I'm scheduled to go back to work in 1 week and I am honestly really looking forward to it. I don't know if being a working mom is the right thing to do. I'm really trying to rely on the Lord and do what He wants me to do, and I feel like He has told me that I can choose. I found a quote about what it means to be a good mom that I want to share here, because I've found a lot of comfort in letting go of the guilt and the expectations I have for myself to be a SAHM.

If you provide, to the best of your ability, shelter, emotional and physical safety and emotional and physical nourishment and care to your kids YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. It doesn’t matter whether your kids go to bed at 7pm or 10pm, whether they are breast or bottle fed, whether they eat salad or prefer chicken nuggets (again), whether they have been to Disney world or not, whether they have one pair of shoes or 20, whether you “wear them” or teach them to play independently, whether you work or stay home, whether you are a free spirit or live by a schedule, whether you are a size 2 or a size 22, whether you homeschool or send them to public school, whether you read to them each night or are lucky just to get them to lay down in bed at all, whether you are classroom mom or avoid the PTA, whether you are fun or serious, whether your kid is super shy or super social, whether they appear tidy or disheveled, whether you can afford to travel or must make the best of adventures at home, whether they are learning Latin or learning manners,whether they can read on time, walk on time, talk on time, graduate on time, whether they are sick or well, whether YOU are sick or well... THESE THINGS DO NOT MATTER! So let’s stop saying to each other that we’re “not a good mom” and only perpetuating a debilitating and ever-changing social standard of what being a “good mom” looks like. There are just a handful of things that make a mom a good one and they span history, culture, economic status and geography. They are the same for the mom in western suburbia as they are for the third world tribal mom. Will you make this the last day you use those words! Will you replace them with truth? There is no perfect mom - there are only imperfect women chosen because they are the right mom for those kids.


Shay Cochrane

• Spending too much money. Don't get me wrong, I love to spend money. But since we are essentially living on savings while I'm taking maternity leave, it's not a good idea for me to go shopping all the time. Which is basically what I've done during the month of January. Only because of what I mentioned before. I'm going crazy! Shopping is the only thing I can think to do that's interesting and INDOORS and doesn't take a lot of planning. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much for being so spendy, but it's definitely something I don't want to happen next month.

I'm sure there's other highs and lows that I forgot to mention here, but I'm happy to report that January was a net positive, and I'm feeling even better about February!

♡♡♡
Rebecca

Better Than Before - Making New Habits

Over New Year’s, I read Gretchen Rubin’s new-ish book Better Than Before. (Gretchen Rubin is the author of The Happiness Project which is one of my top 5 favorite books, so I had really high expectations for this one.) It did not disappoint! I took A LOT of notes while I was reading and I thought I would pass them along to anyone who’s interested. Better Than Before (BTB) is a book about making and breaking habits. After writing The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin felt like she still didn’t really know how to implement everything she thought she should do to be happier. So she started researching willpower and habits and put everything she learned into this book! I definitely recommend it, especially if you (like me) are trying to make some good habits in 2018.

 

If you want to skip the fluff and get down to the nitty gritty, just read the section on “Practical Tips for Developing Habits.”

Habits & Their Importance

• Traditional definition says a habit is a recurrent behavior, cued by a specific context, that happens without much awareness or conscious intent.
• Habits are anything you do without having to think about it. Rubin says that habits “free us from decision-making and using self-control.”
• Brushing your teeth is a habit because you don’t wake up and ask yourself, ‘Am I going to brush my teeth this morning?’
• When you make good habits, you free yourself from resisting temptation (I won’t eat that cookie) and postponing gratification (I’m going to save my money).

Habits & Different Personalities

• To understand how we make habits, we have to know ourselves and we have to understand how we respond to expectations.
• There are four distinct personality types defined in BTB:

1. UPHOLDERS meet outer expectations and inner expectations
2. QUESTIONERS resist outer expectations and meet inner expectations
3. OBLIGERS meet outer expectations and resist inner expectations (that’s me! I find that I often break promises to myself but I rarely break promises to other people.)
4. REBELS resist outer expectations and inner expectations

• If you respond well to outer expectations, you’ll succeed in making good habits if there is external accountability (a coach, a grade, a friend waiting for you, etc). You won’t be as successful with something like a sticker chart, because it’s only an inner expectation. Does that make sense?
• If you respond well to inner expectations, you’ll succeed in making good habits if you feel the habit is justified and reasonable (You'll take vitamins only if you really think they’ll help you feel better).
• Tailor your habits and your behavior to YOU!

There was a list of questions to help you better understand yourself and the way you respond to expectations, and I thought they were so interesting, I’m copying them here:

How I Like to Spend My Time
At what time of day do I feel energized? When do I drag?
Do I like racing from one activity to another, or do I prefer unhurried transitions?
What activities take up my time but aren’t particularly useful or stimulating?
Would I like to spend more of my time with friends, or by myself?
Do I have several things on my calendar that I anticipate with pleasure?
What can I do for hours without feeling bored?
What daily or weekly activity did I do for fun when I was ten years old?

What I Value
What’s most satisfying to me: saving time, money, or effort?
Does it bother me to act differently from other people, or do I get a charge out of it?
Do I spend a lot of time that’s important to someone else, but not to me?
If I had $500 to spend on fun, how would I spend it?
Do I like to listen to experts, or do I prefer to figure things out for myself?
Does spending money on an activity make me feel more committed to it, or less committed?
Would I be happy to see my children have the life I’ve had?

My Current Habits
Am I more likely to indulge in a bad habit in a group, or when I’m alone?
If I could magically, effortlessly change one habit in my life, what would it be?
If the people around me could change one of my habits, what would they choose?
Of my existing habits, which would I like to see my children adopt? Or not?

First Things First (Foundation Habits)

• Where should you begin if you want to improve your habits?
• Good habits beget more good habits
• Certain habits reinforce our self-control more than other habits, so we should start with those!

- Sleep
- Exercise
- Nutrition
- Decluttering

• The “broken window” theory of crime prevention
• In the 1980s, some social scientists observed that when a community tolerates disorder and petty crimes, such as breaking of windows or graffiti, people are more likely to commit serious crimes.
• Ask yourself, ‘What are the “broken windows” in my home and my life?’

Practical Tips for Developing New Habits

• Track your success. Even just monitoring what we do without trying to improve helps us do better.
• Avoid excuses! How often do we give ourselves permission to do something “bad” because we’ve been “good”?
• Don’t get caught in the cycle of procrastination. Gretchen Rubin says again and again, the best time to start a new habit is NOW. Don’t wait for tomorrow, or Monday, or a new month.
• Don’t assume that the habit you want to develop is in opposition to something else you want. (I can’t go on a diet because life is short and I want to make the most of it and have happy memories… Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive!)
• Remember that EVERYTHING COUNTS. There’s no “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”
• Stay in control.

- If you want to break a habit for some reason (enjoy a lot of treats on your birthday), don’t let it happen by accident. Plan for it, and that way you stay in control and you don’t have any guilt to overcome the next day.
- Avoid giving yourself big rewards for your good habits. The habit itself should be the reward.
- BTB had some great suggestions for creating habits that were “rewarding” based on what we find to be motivating.

• Sources of intrinsic motivation:

- Challenge: We find personal meaning in pursuing a goal that’s difficult but not impossible.
- Curiosity: We’re intrigued and find pleasure in learning more.
- Control: We like the feeling of mastery.
- Fantasy: We play a game; we use our imagination to make an activity more stimulating.
- Cooperation: We enjoy the satisfaction of working with others.
- Competition: We feel gratified when we can compare ourselves favorably to others.
- Recognition: We’re pleased when others recognize our accomplishments and contributions

• Allow yourself “treats,” not because you earned it, but just because you want it.
• Treats help you feel energized and cared for, which helps us maintain healthy habits

• Try to find “healthy treats” like taking a nap, playing the piano, window shopping, reading, lighting a candle, or calling a friend.
• Identify WHY you really want to create a certain habit. If you’re doing something out of obligation, it’s going to be much harder to be successful than if you’re doing it because you really want to.

One of my biggest takeaways from Better Than Before is that real, lasting change is difficult. There is no “One Size Fits All” solution for making habits because everyone is different. Some people like to do things cold turkey. Some people like to do things in baby steps. But when you understand yourself--the way you respond to expectations and the things that motivate you, you’re much more likely to succeed. If any of you have habits that you’re trying to make in the new year, I’d love to hear about them! I’m trying to be a “Goals Coach” for Cob and for some friends in the ward, and I’d be happy to help you, too!

♡♡♡
Rebecca

My Instagram Update

A few months ago, I wrote about the issues I have with Instagram. I know it's super shallow and in the grand scheme of things, Instagram is not very important, but it's something I care about and I've been thinking a lot about it. I decided to sit down and create a strategy for my design account so I can create and share better things.

Here's what my pages look like right now:

Why do I have two Instagram accounts?

I have two Instagram accounts so I can share personal, non-staged photos with my close friends and family without exploiting them/breaching their privacy (is that the right use of that word?) but so I can still share beautiful pictures and designs. Basically, I want a place to share things that I have created or am inspired by, but I don’t want to be a sell-out, and I don’t want to sell-out my family, either.

What is the purpose of the Rebecca Peterson Studio account?

The RPS Instagram account exists to (A) give me a platform to share my professional and personal projects, (B) encourage me to maintain and develop my creative skills, and (C) to potentially help me earn money either by finding freelance work or by creating designs and selling them. There are a couple accounts on Instagram I really like that I’m looking to as inspiration:
• Plum Street Collective
• Alexa Zurcher
• Emma Rose Company
• The Aloha Stride
• Lauren Eliza Hooker (Elle & Company)
• Nikki Phillippi
• Blogilates

How often do I want to post on RPS Instagram?

I think *ideally* I would post at least 1X a week. I would love it if I could batch-create a bunch of content to post so that if I don’t have anything new to share, I can share those things. I also need to care less about the way my feed looks, but it’s so hard. I’m such a perfectionist!

What kinds of things do I want to post?

I’d love to share more of my actual design work and less “cutesy” things that don’t really have anything to do with anything. I really don’t want to be one of those ambiguous marketing “gurus” who share pretty flat lays and pictures of their coffee without ever really sharing what they do. I want this account to be a place where people can actually see my work and *hopefully* be impressed! Obviously I need some kind of editorial calendar, but this is what I’ve been thinking about posting so far:
• Inspirational quotes (obviously, but I should choose good ones)
• Any kind of cute printable that I make
• Interior design (AKA pictures of my apartment)
• Screenshots of anything I make at work
• Any crafts I make
• Books I read!
• More pictures of myself, living my life and being real
• Highlights of things I’ve done in the past? Is that too annoying?
• An organizational tip I think it worth sharing
• Things I’m learning about photography

Who am I trying to be?

I’m trying to be myself. I honestly spend a lot of time on my computer, looking at designs, studying designs, and creating designs for myself! I think focusing on my Instagram account will help me refine my skills, gain exposure, and grow my confidence. And hopefully I can do all of that without being a phony!

♡♡♡
Rebecca

5 Books That Have Legitimately Changed My Life

Have you ever been talking to someone and they recommend something to you by saying, "It has changed my life!" Sometimes I wonder if the book/movie/article/quote they're talking about is ACTUALLY life-changing or if they're just dramatic. Or maybe their life is in shambles and anything semi-inspiring is life-changing to them! I don't know. I thought it would be fun to put together a list of books that have been truly "life-changing" for me. I'm avoiding the obvious ones (The Book of Mormon and other church literature) and sticking to the secular books I love.

1. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
I read this book when I was 15 or 16, and it profoundly influenced the way I set goals and make resolutions. I love the way she talks about knowing yourself and setting goals that make you excited. I recently re-read this book, and I felt prompted to make a list of things that truly make me happy and help me experience joy. I recommend this book to anyone who ENJOYS focusing on personal development and who likes to use lists and systems to make goals.

2. Getting Things Done by David Allen
If you haven't read this book, stop what you're doing right now, buy it on Amazon, and read it with a pen and notebook in your hand. This is the only organization system that truly works for anyone and any platform. GTD is the reason I started using an inbox, it's where I developed the 2-minute rule, it's honestly changed my entire outlook towards calendars and to-do lists. And it WORKS. Buy it. Read it. Believe it.

3. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
Are you seeing a trend with these books? I'm way too into the self-help genre. I read Seven Habits when I was young, and I remember being SO inspired to write a personal mission statement and to "sharpen the saw." A lot of the principles from this book seem obvious, but perfect application of them takes a lifetime. I want to be an effective person, and I feel like this book is a really practical guide to doing that.

4. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
This book is a nice contrast to the strategy-like approach of Stephen Covey's writing. I read Eat, Pray, Love during my first semester at college (a very lonely, difficult time in my life), and I remember reading passages about depression and anxiety and feeling like, 'This is how I've felt for so long, but I've never been able to articulate it so well!" I wouldn't say that this book inspired any specific action, but it changed the way I think and the way I see myself.

5. The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
If you're really into setting goals and personal development, you HAVE to read this book. It's all about positive psychology and understanding how you can only achieve good things if you think good things! There are a lot of books that talk about positive affirmations and power poses, but this book was the first (it was published in 1959) and I think it gives the best explanation.

What books do you like? Are there any you would recommend to me?

♡♡♡
Rebecca

2018 Goals + Goal-Setting Strategy

Starting a new year is one of my very favorite feelings. I feel so energized and excited when I see people talking about what they want to accomplish and what kind of people they want to become in the next year. You can almost see everyone recognizing their potential and wanting to improve.

Last year, I spent some time in St. George between Christmas and New Year's just thinking about my life and setting some thoughtful goals. I was AMAZED at how many of my goals I was able to reach, so I decided to do it again this year, with a better process and strategy.

Step One: Reflect

I started out by listing everything noteworthy in 2017. I wrote down my accomplishments, things I was proud of and things I felt like I could improve, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Most of my list was dominated by being pregnant and having a baby, but there were also things I did at work that I would have forgotten about if I hadn't taken the time to reflect on them.

Step Two: Brainstorm

Next, I put together a list of goals/dreams/resolutions/ideas I had for 2018. I really tried not to censor myself, and instead I just made a long list of projects and ideas for different categories (physical, mental, spiritual, social, financial, etc). There were some things I had on my mind for a while, but there were other things that came to me as I started thinking.

Step Three: Get Serious

I let my ideas marinate for a while. I wanted to make sure I had captured everything on my mind and that I didn't make any rash decisions. After a day or so, I went back to my list and circled everything that I felt excited about. *If there's one thing I know about goal-setting, it's that you should only set goals that excite you. Setting goals out of obligation only leads to guilt and anxiety.* I took all the things I had circled and created a more formal list of my big goals, organized by category. I didn't prioritize my list, mostly because it was overwhelming enough to narrow them down, and I didn't think there was necessarily one goal that mattered more than the others.

Step Four: Make a Plan

Once I had my high-level goals, I made a plan for concrete ways I could reach those goals. This was the hard part for me. I knew I wanted to be a better mom in 2018, but how could I do that? How often should I really work on that goal? I found myself creating several specific actions for some goals, and making vague plans for the others. I told myself I could change or add goals as needed.

 
growth & personal development
{Create just for the sake of creating}

• Write on my blog 1x each week without feeling obligated to promote my work.

{Make a greater effort to reach my goals} 

• Host a girls "goals group" where I can make friends, get help on my goals, and stay accountable. 

• Review my goals each month and set new goals.

• Read two books every month.

career & business

{Enjoy being a working mom}

• Go back to work in February!

• Find a way to continue earning money while I'm in Texas for the summer.

finances

{Reduce impulse spending}

• Document my purchases every week.

• Use something up before buying something new.

health & fitness

{Develop a habit of exercising regularly}

• Find a form of exercise I enjoy.

• Exercise for 60 minutes total every week.

spirituality

{Experience greater joy in my church calling}

• Attend two singles ward activities every month.

• Prepare lessons for my Temple Prep class.

{Become more spiritually minded}

• Read the scriptures every day.

• Pray every day.

love & marriage

{Fall more in love with Cob}

• Go on a fun weekly date with Cob AND document it!

• Take family pictures and have them printed.

friends & family

{Learn how to be a better mom}

• Identify qualities of good mothers.

• Spend time with moms I admire and learn from them.

• Read Peter 1 book every day.

{Document my life in a fun way}

• Instagram 5-7 highlights of each month.

• Make a chatbook of #petersfirstyear.

{Be Vivacious!}

• Practice being a good conversationalist.

• Do my visiting teaching every month.

fun & recreation

{Have more fun}

• Limit my time on social media

• Celebrate holidays

service & giving

{Look out for new moms}

• Take dinner to anyone I know who had a baby.

• Donate to causes that empower women/mothers.

physical environment

{Make my home more beautiful and zen-like}

• Paint the kitchen table white.

• Clear off the kitchen table before bed each night.

Spelling out all my goals took a considerable amount of time, but I felt so excited when I was done! I printed out my list, put it on the back of my kitchen door, and made a daily/weekly/monthly checklist so I could track my progress. I love goals!!!

♡♡♡
Rebecca